From the age kids get a smartphone to parenting that teaches healthy use

Kids’ daily screen time became a real nuisance this year. The latest Bezeq report finds that the average age at which a child gets their first smartphone is 6.2 (yes, that’s the average!).

But inside the report hides an even more significant figure that hints at the future trend: it isn’t positive. The report shows that the pace of technology adoption is the fastest ever. Add the anxiety that has accompanied us in recent years because of the security situation, and you get a dangerous formula that may lead kids to get a device even younger.

Elementary-school ages, and especially the years when a child gets their first smartphone, are critical for building identity and decision-making ability. Those are the years when the brain’s decision-making region develops, and at that age we want an optimal environment where the child learns to decide through play or dealing with complexity they can grow from. Giving a smartphone to a six-year-old without guidance is like a parent handing over car keys before 16, or alcohol at eight; the child simply isn’t ready yet.

When a child gets the device at that age, our goal should be teaching “intentionality”, using technology so that the person chooses the next step, not the machine.

Why does that matter so much? Because if the child (and of course we adults too) mainly uses the smartphone as an escape — a place where the brain can disconnect from reality and get a “dose” of social or emotional excitement - use becomes addictive. It’s a snowball; once a habit forms, as every parent knows, it’s very hard to go back.

So what’s the solution?

Many researchers tried to compare smartphone dependence to other addictions without enough success. It clearly isn’t a substance addiction like a drug or nicotine, and it isn’t gambling either, because smartphone access is constant. Others compare it to a diet, but that comparison isn’t precise either: imagine trying to diet with a cheesecake in front of you at every moment — almost impossible.

I believe in our case it’s a different kind of compulsive behavior, so it needs a different solution. Existing solutions like blocks or screen-time controls often fail, they turn the parent into a “cop” and the child into a “thief” of screen time. Prof. Jonathan Haidt, one of the leading researchers in the field, suggests going back: from a smartphone-based childhood to a play-based childhood. To do that, we need to teach the child healthy information consumption and help them build motivation for self-regulation and healthy habits.

One of the most significant experiments in the field is the “marshmallow experiment” from the 1970s, which tested kids’ ability to wait twenty minutes in a room without eating one marshmallow in order to get two. Findings showed that the kids who succeeded were those who developed delayed-gratification strategies - like playing, ignoring, or closing their eyes. Those kids could delay immediate gratification (a marshmallow or endless scrolling) for something more meaningful later (another marshmallow or playing with friends).

So to help kids not get addicted to the screen after they get it at the right age, we need to teach them how to use it well - from the first moment, give them the ability to delay immediate gratification for a stronger, more meaningful future one. That is the technology of the future. In this world we need a paradigm shift: from parenting that fights over screen time, to parenting that educates for healthy use and teaches how.